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Jolly was an Olympic boxer. This, whilst being factual, is almost an exaggeration, despite it’s clear validity. You can look it up, he boxed at the 2004 Olympics. However, to describe him as an Olympic boxer is possibly generous in the extreme as he only went once and was stopped in the first round of the first fight. Given that rounds in Olympic boxing are only two minutes long, he wasn’t an Olympic boxer for long. He’s from Uganda, and the Olympics were in Athens, Greece. This is a distance of over 2500 miles and the flight time is approximately 5 ½ hours. This means that if Jolly boxed for the whole of the first round (which he didn’t), he boxed for approximately 0.5% of the time he sat on a plane to get there. Now I don’t want to sound mean, but that’s a really bad deal. If you flew to Spain on holiday on the same basis, you’d have to leave after about 45 seconds.

In addition to the extremely tiny amount of time he was an Olympic boxer, Jolly Kotongole is also extremely tiny. He was fighting in the light flyweight division, which is the weight of a blonde fly, that is less than 48kg. To put this in context, an average 1Kg bag of sugar weighs nearly 48Kg, so you can see why we’re saying it’s tiny. 48Kg is equal to less than 7 stone 8 pounds, 0.048 tonnes or 240,000 carats. It’s the equivalent of the atomic mass 2.891e+28, or 12 pigmy trumpters all holding their breath. It’s light. For those of you with children, give them a quick weigh and then compare the results to a bone fide Olympic boxing legend.

So he’s a small chap, but not overly successful, which leads us to the obvious question – what is his Kevin rating? We may never know.

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